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March 12, 2001
The Kundalini Yoga teacher at my
gym is quite the hottie and frankly, that’s a little intimidating.
He keeps telling us to close our eyes and focus on the third eye
point, “Let your thoughts go. Don’t
attach yourself to them.” He
says.
I’d like to attach myself to him.
No, no, that’s not what this class is supposed to be about.
This class is supposed to be about centering yourself, about
balancing your energy field. About
opening the heart chakras, I’d
like to open myself to him. STOP
it! Oh my God.
I mean, honestly, could you even date a yoga teacher?
I mean, he’s probably into barley and wheatgrass juice.
He can probably smell the double cheeseburger I had a week ago.
C'mon, he’s the YOGA guy.
I mean, he was showing us the breath of fire move, and watching
his stomach just…pulsate like that.
I mean…wow. You
know that whole story about Sting and yoga and the seven hour tantric
sex session. Sex with a
yoga instructor.
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If that’s not intimidating,
then what is? I mean, I
could be there in bed with him and I’d just be thinking “I’m not
doing the breath of fire right.” Do Yoga instructors even have sex?
Does it fit in with the chakras and wheatgrass juice?
I asked Ashley, answerer of odd questions, and she says they have
healthy sex. "You
know, where it's all about worshipping the divine being within each of
us." What does that
mean? "Means they
don't go down on you." Oh.
Well. I'll just
stare at his undulating torso and dream.
Every girl should have a Kundalini instructor to dream about.
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