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Until I
see him. He waited
for me. He said he
was gonna go to the library or something.
And he didn't. And
he's looking at me, and it's that searching kind of look.
What happened, what…and that awful split second.
Where I see everything that's on my face reflected back
on him. And his arms
open wide. And he
says, "C'mere."
And the
sobs come. I can't
stop my eyes from screwing up, my lips from pulling back in that
horrible sobbing grin. I'm
trying to say don't, please don't.
Your touch will make it worse…and then I'm in his arms,
and I'm truly bawling.
And he
ushers me quickly into the car.
He's so smart, he's doing it before anybody from the
theater sees. Not
because he's embarrassed by me, but because he knows I'd be
embarrassed if anyone saw me.
And I'm still sobbing, those horrible retching
hyperventilating sobs, and he pulls me against his chest and sob
everything out. I
never really wanted to cry in front of him.
No wait, let me clarify, I didn't want to cry FIRST.
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It's such a
stupid girly thing to do, to be the first to cry.
Being the first to cry in a relationship, well, crying in a
relationship in general just completely alters things from the get go.
And I didn't want to be the one to cause any sudden detours.
I was still waiting for him to indicate whether we were a couple
or not. And now look.
Anything he says from here, whether we're a couple, whatever
feelings he has for me, well it's all gonna extend from the fact that
I'm sobbing several new holes in his shirt, isn't it?
And realizing that just makes me cry harder and he just doesn't
let go, and all these thoughts are just galloping across my brain and
it's just not FAIR. That
part was mine. He was
supposed to be the one to alter the relationship first, and it's my
fault.
He holds me
tight, and smoothes my hair back and kisses my forehead (get it all out,
because it's gonna be covered in stress zits a week from now) and lets
me do whatever my crying system demands me to do.
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