April 7, 2001

Well.  It sure seemed like a good idea at the time.  Well, maybe not a good idea, but a logical one.  A rational one.  And I guess I would want to be known as the one who went for what seemed like a logical or good idea at the time, rather than the chick who went for the really stupid idea without any kind of provocation.  I wanna be known as the brilliant misguided with good intentions one, rather than the stupid through and though one.  Does that make sense?  Probably not.

Can I just throw an open question to all the guys out there?  Do you wonder what the person you're dating is doing when you're not with them?  I mean, all the time wonder?

No wait, back up.  I don't wonder ALL the time.  Of course not.  I have a life.  I have a life, sorta.  I have things to do.  Yes, that's it.

I'm not one of those actors living off a trust fund that don't get up until 11am and watch TV all day until their one audition and then come home and watch TV all day and go out to a club all night and do the same thing the next day.  No, I work.

And I don't like my job, but at least the job provides me with something to do.  A new bitch to gripe about. 

So I have things to do.  I do, really.  So it's not like I think about Ethan all the time.  'Cause I don't.  I have a job, I have people to seat at the restaurant, I have Tony in the kitchen to ward off, I have plenty of attitude to deal with and believe me, that takes up PLENTY of time.

It's just when it gets to be about this time.  About this time, when it's, oh 9pm in the evening on a Saturday night.  And you're waiting for the call.  And the internal struggle about whether YOU should be the first to call or not.