And I give up.  Right then, right there.  I give up trying to hide, trying to plan, trying to plot.  I give up trying to figure out what he's thinking, and I sit beside him on the steps.

"No.  No, it was not a fun night," I say.  And lean forward into his arms.  I grab hold of him, and the tears start to come.  I didn't know they were there, and yet as soon as they start, they just won't stop, and I realize I had been holding them back all night.  No it was not a fun night.  And I suspect it will not be a fun life from here on out.  

And his arms circle around me.  And he holds me.  And he doesn't say anything, as usual.  I feel his lips on my forehead, I feel his hands smooth back my hair.  I sob like a damn baby.  And for once, for the briefest of nights, the silence is just what I need.