June 30, 2001

There are some moments in your life that you know will be moments you remember forever.  And they're not the cheesy high school graduation pictures, or the first time you see the love of your life across a bonfire at a party on the beach in some guy's house who you don't know.  They're not moments like your wedding day, or spending Sunday afternoons in bed with your man.  They're moments you don't even realize are moments to remember until you're right in the middle of them.  Like staring up at a clear blue sky in the backyard, and then seeing him walk up the driveway.  Like directing your chalk choo choo train through the swamp of No Money Men on the sidewalk with your best friend.  Like looking at your bedroom right before you head out the door on the way to his place to tell him.  Your rumpled bed with the rumpled sheets that still have his scent on the pillows.  It looks like a bed from a bygone era, from a relationship that happened a long time ago. 

Knowing that everything's about to change.  I know all of this.  And… and I'm… happy.  Finally.

There is no end, I know that now.  But knowing there is no end is not the end in itself.  Does that make sense?  

Oh God, what am I trying to say?  I gleefully embrace the fact that there will be no happy ending.  The world will keep going, I will keep going, it's not the end, there is no end.  Not yet.  Not ever.